Every time I scroll through my feed, I stumble across pictures of people getting married, having children, being promoted at work, moving into new homes, settling into their lives. It's only human nature to go on to use these milestones as a metric for my own life. Am I a failure for not having a plan? Should I have proceeded with that PhD? Am I falling behind everyone else? Should I be looking for someone? Am I a failure for having no direction? Should I just settle in the UK?
It's so easy to dissect all of my movements and fall into this cycle of self-doubt but I'm ultimately always hit with the realisation that this, here, now, is exactly where I need to be. I don't want to be married or have children or any of those things. Yes, I turn 27 this year and according to my culture am reaching my sell-by-date, but my god I feel more human and alive than ever before and I wouldn't give it up for anything.
Sometimes I look at this picture because being present in that space made me feel extraordinary and infinite. It reminded me that I would never be young again, that the world was and is something that we capacitate within our bodies and our movements. I understood then that although life would happen, it would also always bestow the things that I needed at every given moment.
'Trust your breath,' I told myself. 'Trust your healing, your own reincarnation.'
Whilst this 'detour' was a drastic emancipation from my old life, I am thankful for everything that it saved me from. I'm going to do great things someday, I do not doubt this for a second. For now, I am where I need to be, I am who I need to be.