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Creative Writing

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Literature

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Travel

The Demise of 25.

I turn 26 tomorrow.

I don’t know how I got here but last night I cried with inexplicable gratitude.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m still alive.’

I must learn to give myself credit for enduring all of the suffering and still managing to navigate my body through this process of intermodal resurrection.

It has been an intense year and any attempt to write and depict the intricacies will detract from the torment that was associated with them. Instead I will share the skeletal silhouette which orchestrated the tapestry of threads to weave my skin back together.

Without further ado:

- I celebrated my 25th birthday whilst being on sick leave from work.

- A month later, I left my job with an emaciated sense of self-confidence, heightening the narrative of my already fragmented self.

- I decided to get on a plane after 10 years and leave for Dubai with my mother.

- Upon returning, I suffered from what I would deem the most hazardous mental breakdown of my life.

- During this time, my antidepressants caused me to put on two stones and I tried to eat my way out of oblivion.

- I found meaning in a manuscript, a fictional tale of two interwoven worlds written by a Malaysian woman, that I was copy-editing at the time (90,000 words, twice).

- This prompted me to proceed with my first round of EMDR therapy which was monumental enough to mark the beginning of my healing.

- I began to copywrite for a company in the US.

- One day, I impulsively decided to book a solo flight to Madrid and left 5 days later. This emancipation from my landscape was enough to catalyse my recovery.

- I returned and immediately left for Verona and Venice where I went on my first ever boat trip and began to restore (reawaken) parts of my spirit.

- After this, I visited Sofia in Bulgaria where bonding with a tiger named Elsa helped me come to terms with the need to remain alive.

- I travelled to Budapest, Brussels, Berlin, Bratislava and Vienna. I found a new way to live and was in awe of the majestic world that I almost left behind.

- I returned to England and began to interview for several jobs abroad (US, Auckland, Barcelona, anywhere but here).

Now I must grant myself the privilege of envisioning a life beyond this day.

I made it. I talked myself back into living. I'm okay. I'm alive. I will do great things now. I will.

Thank you for coming back and staying (always staying). Words from other people can often manifest as signs of hope, anchors, in the centre of our commotion. Don’t let go of the humanness, it keeps so many of us alive.

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