Birthdays for me are about commemorating my existence, presence. This particular one is the most significant milestone.
I suppose life now is my sobriety chip, I'll stop counting the days when they all morph into journey. Maybe I'm not tangible unless you're close enough to touch my skin but perhaps I was wrong for assuming that others would want to celebrate my existence too. For a majority of my life, I believed that my presence didn't matter, nothing would change if I slipped out of my body, nobody would exhale louder or sing lullabies to my ghost.
Today was supposed to mark and commemorate my recovery, instead I realised why I choose solitude and bear an inexplicable urgency to abandon everyone that I know. People keep reiterating that I need human connection to survive and I ask them why. I ask them why.